My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
