I just saw a hot homeless man
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
