My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
