apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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