tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
