Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
