I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
