Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
