her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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