Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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