Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
