I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
