last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
