My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
