Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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