I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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