I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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