so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Holy sore nipples Batman
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
