sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
