just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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