Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
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