I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
