K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
