My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
