the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Farmville is her only friend.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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