I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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