coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
