I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
