How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
