He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Enjoy the penises
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
