this just has baby written all over it
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
