he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
