i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
