We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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