We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
