1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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