Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
