There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
