I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
