i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
