Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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