Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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