Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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