Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Houston, we have a blender
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
