Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
