are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
You're earring is so big in my mouth
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I am one with the molecules
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Randomize
