its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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