The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
