he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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