what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
